When I was in high school I had a job at a pizza place. There were some good guys there with me and four of us got along exceptionally well. We would often close the store together, all four of us. Two would be on the clock and the other two would just show up and help. These days I know it’s illegal and the reasons why, but back then it was just friends having fun and helping each other out. We would often goof off as much as work, but since there were four of us, we could get the work knocked out in record time and still goof around.
One of the things we commonly did was dough ball fights, like snowball fights but with dough. That shit was dense and heavy. It didn’t tickle when you got hit but we were young, dumb, and thought we were tough.
One night I was at the back end of the store and I threw a dough ball at one of the guys at the other end of the store. Back then I played baseball every day and had an arm like a cannon. My friend had his back to me and I thought it would be funny to give him a welt right on the middle of his back. I threw that thing as hard as I could but just as I let go of it, one of the other guys stepped out from around the pizza ovens right into the path of my dough ball.
Now, you need to understand, this guy was BIG! He was 6’8″, and very heavily muscled. He was a star tackle on his football team until his knee got injured. The boy was one of the nicest people on the planet, but physically he was a beast. My dough ball hit him right in the jaw like a right hook from Mike Tyson. I saw his head snap around and he literally spun around from the force of it. It didn’t knock him down but it did knock him back into the counter. I thought he was literally going to rip me in half!
He kind of shook his head and looked up at me with a huge red spot on his cheek from the hit. He laughed (thank goodness) and said, “You’re dead now!” He had a 55 gallon trash can full of waste dough next to him. He and the other two guys all started throwing dough at me like a hailstorm. I don’t know how it possibly happened, but they never hit me. They threw probably 50 dough balls in a matter of seconds and not a single one hit me. I had them hit the wall next to me, above me, even between my legs, but not a single one ever touched me.
The dough fight stopped when one of the guys threw a dough ball that was rolled up with sauce in it. It hit the wall and splattered everywhere. Of course, that was hilariously funny to a bunch of teenagers! We cleaned it all up and went on, just good friends being dumb kids.
The funniest part was several weeks later when I walked into the back room to see our boss, the store manager, standing there staring at the ceiling right above where I had been standing that night. I asked what she was doing and she looked me with a very confused look, “How in the hell did pizza sauce get all the way up there on the ceiling?” As far as I know, she never did get that answer.
